Why do so many people not want to get to "yes" - and why might a German phrase help us do just that?

When I began studying law at university, one of our earliest required readings was Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury (1981), a book focused on “principled negotiation”.

There’s also a powerful German phrase that has always stuck with me:

Besser ein Ende mit Schmerzen als Schmerzen ohne Ende

“Better an ending with pain than pain without end” (thats my version in English)

This sort of captures the spirit of Getting to Yes to my mind.

At first glance, it felt like a strange reading mandate as law school surely is meant to teach you how to argue and how to win. But this book planted an early seed: the goal isn’t always to fight—it’s to resolve.

And sometimes, that means giving a little, on all sides; even when it hurts a bit. Because resolution is nearly always better than the alternative.

In my experience, most sensible people want to resolve issues. Sure, I’ve met the rare person who thrives on conflict itself—but they’re the exception, not the rule.

Resolution might not feel great to any ‘side’ in the moment. But unending conflict is far worse—for businesses, for teams, for personal relationships; and countries.

Living and working in Asia for most of my adult life has reinforced this lesson: consensus beats conflict in most cases; and behind most sustainable outcomes is a healthy dose of compromise.

Having Getting to Yes on your shelf—and as your mindset—isn’t just good for legal practice it will help anyone, perhaps the EU Trade Commissioner has a copy already.

“Sooner or later, we will sit at the negotiation table with the US and find a mutually acceptable compromise,”

EU Trade Commissioner Maros Sefcovic

An old hardback copy on the internet is only about US$ 35!

If you need specific input regarding a strategic Hong Kong challenge or related legal matters in the HKSAR you can always DM me and check out my profile at https://www.ajhalkes.com

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